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Thank U, Next

Written by Sai:

Imagine this scenario, you meet someone. You're interested. You like them enough to text. You like them enough to talk. Great conversation ensues. Throw in a dash of flirting. Things are going great. You may even meet up and go on a date or two. What's the problem with that?

We've all been there. Radio silence, out of the blue.

Your texts and calls abruptly fall into a deep black hole. The type that’s even too mysterious for Trekkies to fathom. What on earth is going on? Well, you, my friend, have just been ghosted.

The definition of ghosting, according to the Oxford dictionary, is the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.

Being ghosted, chances are it stings. Maybe just a little bit. Or a lot. How do you handle it?

Let’s take perspective. Ghosting is not a new practice. It’s been happening to you your whole life. Really. Remember that call that that one ‘good’ friend never returned? Remember that employer you applied to that never responded back? Remember that one email you sent to a vendor that never got a reply? Yeah. Ghosting happens all the time. But when it comes to our relationships, it just feels like our whole world is crashing down.

So how do we “rebound” from being ghosted? Here are a few things to remember:

Don’t take it personally. People ghost people for different reasons. Maybe it's the chemistry. Maybe they're not as emotionally available as they thought they were. Maybe they found someone else. Maybe they decided to go on a one-way trip to a far off destination where cell phones and the internet just don't exist. Who knows. The point is, it’s not to be taken personally. It's their choice and you have the choice to move past it.

You are the shit. If they truly knew what an amazing person you are, they’d never have ghosted you. Being ghosted does not diminish your worth and what you have to give to your future relationships. You are still as amazing as you were before the ghosting. Nothing has changed on that front.

It’s not the end of the world. You still have friends. You still have family. Your health condition, apart from a bit of a hurting heart perhaps, is likely still the same. Things are OK. You’re good.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. I know, you’ve heard this one a lot. There's truth to it. There are some things worth waiting for. Your person exists and cannot wait to meet you. Now go out and find them.

The unexpected could happen. In an interesting turn of events, your ghoster may reach out to you. Whether or not you decide to entertain the conversation will be up to you. You may have moved on. Or you may choose to re-engage with them. Either way, don’t hold out on hope of this happening but rather go with the flow. (Taranta here: Unless your ghoster has a legit and good reason for ghosting, don't look back.)

Regardless, do not let ghosting stop you from going on with your amazing life. You do you. At the end of all of this, you will find someone who deserves you. The right person will not ghost you. In fact, they will be looking forward to that flirtatious text, they will be looking forward to hearing your voice at the end of a long day and they will be looking forward to making plans with you. So, my friend, chin up and onward. There is a lot to look forward to.

PS. Taranta says: When someone ghosts you, they are doing you a favour. Thank U, Next!

Ghosting doesn't sting nearly as much if you don't put all your eggs in one basket. Don't be fixated on the one person. Continue to meet people, continue to date. Until you find your person.

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