Let’s be honest, sex is wonderful, sex is complicated. It can be exciting, messy and intimidating. So when is the right time to hop in the sack with someone new? Does the 3 Date Rule still stand? Just know, once you’ve crossed the Rubicon, well, you can’t unsex someone.
So you’ve met someone who gets your juices flowing and you want to know when is the right time to seal the deal. Well, you need to ask yourself: What are you trying to achieve? Is it just for a fun no-strings fling? Are you looking to see if your sexual mojos match? Are you hoping for something long term? You’re itching to get it on, but don’t want to come across as being too easy or a player?
The best thing is to have a plan even before dating. Know what’s important to you before the hormones and beer goggles kick in. Understand yourself by examining your motives and goals, and why you feel that way.
If you ask me, I say hold off for several dates until you feel completely comfortable and you’re ready to take it all the way home. But know this: once you’ve done the dirties, you need to be prepared for any outcome, and be cool with it if the relationship doesn’t go the way you were hoping it to. As fun as it is, sex often comes with expectations, that’s why it’s important to understand yourself beforehand so you can better cope with post-coital affairs.
Just because you sex him silly, doesn’t make him your boyfriend. In most cases, sleeping with men early will not make him fall for you or like you any more than he did before the sex. Sure, he’ll be chuffed, since sex is one of men’s dating goals. Obviously, if the sex was good, he’d want more; but don’t automatically expect them to like you more.
If he liked you before sex, he will continue to like you - unless sex was a disaster!
If he didn’t think you were relationship material before sex, he can enjoy the sex and still continue to think you are not relationship material.
Sadly, the double standard holds true for women - if you have sex early, say, on the first date, or even before the first date, you risk him thinking you’re easy and not discriminating enough for a relationship. He’ll happily go along for test drives, but he might not take it home.
The three-date rule doesn’t apply anymore. How much interaction and the depth of your relationship is more important than arbitrary rules. You may have developed an intense connection on date one. You may not know the other person at all after a month.
Have the conversation of what sex means to you. Is sex only for when you’re in a committed relationship? Or is it important to know sexual compatibility before an exclusive relationship?
Whatever you decide, the decision must be yours without any pressure or ulterior motives. Bottom line is there is no down side to waiting until you’re comfortable and you’re both on the same page. If you can’t have an adult conversation about sex, should you be having sex?
PS. Use protection.